On my mind this past week is something that should have been ignored- but unfortunately will stay in my mind because I have to associate with the person concerned when we return home.
There was sadness in a close family recently and I’ve been baffled by the reaction of a distant family ‘friend/acquaintance’ who has been in touch with me.
The bereaved family had decided that instead of letting others do it (funeral directors) at the end of the service – because he had been there for them and helped them all their lives, they would like to ‘be there for him’…to escort their father from the church to the waiting hearse – so all children took a corner and with mum and others following, physically ‘walked’ (pushed) coffin outside where he was surrounded by family/friends who formed a ‘guard of honour’ down the driveway and out of the grounds to see him on his way.
Well that didn’t sit well with some, who not realising we watched the service online, seemed to delight in emailing to tell me ‘his wife didn’t look too upset, she had smiles on her face’ – no hymns just ‘pop songs’ and ‘never seen that before, how strange to see them pushing the coffin and then shoving him into the back of the hearse’.
What it Is with some people who can never accept that not everybody thinks or feels the same way they do. That there are families who love and celebrate each other in life and death
Still Waters 
Ouch. Speaking for myself I really like that personal touch at the end of a funeral.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It was a simple yet touching deed – so many just let the funeral staff wheel the coffin to the door
LikeLike
Family members as pallbearers? Who would have thought. Mind, I have seen such carrying by non professionals coming close to disaster.
I certainly don’t want hymns at my funeral. Maybe the deceased didn’t either.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Luckily (in a way) the coffin was on a moving stand so the three women plus their brother just guided it to the waiting hearse. And yes I’ve seen one or two – was that the right thing for those particular people to do – I was sure the chosen ones (non of them young men – were going to drop my sister.
LikeLike
Everyone should get to do the service the way they wish and the guests can just be quiet and let them.
LikeLiked by 1 person
lol that’s a polite way to put it!
LikeLike
You’re right. It’s no one’s business but theirs.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I was very surprised when I read the email. No idea they would be so critical of something that wasn’t theirs to criticise
LikeLike
I know of many instances where the family asks special friends and more distant family members to serve as pall bearers for the deceased. It is considered an honor to have been asked.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Definitely true for here as well Ana – I’m not sure what got into this person to act this way
LikeLike
As long as his family felt he had the best send off the rest can go and have another glass of bitterness.
LikeLike
I might be serving this particular person a serving of short shrift when we get home.
LikeLike
Well said. Hope they played “I Did it My Way.”
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes Caree, that and other tunes with similar meanings were played.
LikeLike
My siblings and I, and 3 grown up grandchildren, bore my father’s coffin out the service to the waiting hearse, and a guard of honour was created by many dozens of his fellow freemasons (all holding acacia which they then cast over over the coffin in the hearse). He had chosen the music before he passed (knowing his time was coming) and it was not sombre. Yes we were devastated but he wanted us to celebrate his life and we did so. It is nobody else’s business how a person’s wishes are interpreted in death and how those closest show their love and respect for their ‘dearly departed’.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s left a nasty taste in my mouth (mind) and a surprise to hear that person voice their thoughts so openly to me
LikeLike
Heavens above. Funeral arrangements are so personal. Theyve got absolutley nothing to do with anyone but close family.
When my mother died we had the service in my brothers living room and the 4 children carried the coffin out.
My father had it differently all together.
As for smiles on facesand the music,. it all now a days seems to be a celebration of their life and there will be tears and laughter. Honestly , keep ‘your’ ignorance to yourself!
LikeLiked by 1 person
That was my thoughts exactly Linda. . . ‘wonder why’ to yourself- not me
LikeLike
I am sorry that you have to deal with such small minded gossip. I guess the comments come from people unable to deal with their own issues around death and have to criticize others.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have wondered why she decided to share her ‘different thoughts’ with me
LikeLiked by 1 person
Looking for a partner in the dirt I guess. She misjudged for sure.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I, for one, can see nothing wrong with their way of dealing with their loss. It is not for others to judge….it is not their place, nor their right.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree entirely Lee…a very strange outburst, that should have been kept to herself.
LikeLike
There are mean nasty small minded bigoted people in the world. Who have nothing better to do than criticise and backstab other people. They have nothing in their little lives to keep them busy so they spend all their time bitching about others.
I bet they get a handful of people at their funeral and those ones will be there just because it’s expected by others.
LikeLike