Friday Fun – Luck of the Irish

I’m really thinking it’s about time for me to share a few jokes with you.
You may have seen some of these before
but I’m sure they’ll put a smile on your face today 🙂

 

Going somewhere

Billy stops Paddy in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork.
Paddy says, ‘Are you on foot or in the car?’
Billy says, ‘In the car.’
Paddy says, ‘That’s the quickest way.’

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Food for thought

Paddy and Mick are walking down the road
Paddy’s got a bag of doughnuts in his hand
Paddy says to Mick, ‘If you can guess how many doughnuts are in my bag,
‘you can have them both’

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She knows you know!

Finnegin is talking to his friend Keenan
He says, ‘My wife has a terrible habit of staying up ’til two o’clock in the morning.’
I just can’t break her out of it’
‘What on earth is she doin’ up at that time’ asked Keenan.
‘
Waitin’ for me to come home!!!

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Have a drink on me

An angry wife was complaining about her husband Paddy spending all his free time in a bar so one night he took her along with him.
‘What’ll you have?’ he asked.
‘Oh, I don’t know. The same as you I suppose,” she replied.
With that Paddy ordered a couple of Jack Daniel’s and threw his down in one shot.
His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out.
‘Yuck, that’s TERRIBLE!” she spluttered. ‘I don’t know how you can drink this stuff’

‘Well, there you go’ cried Paddy.
‘And you think I’m out enjoying myself every night!’

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 Not today thank you!

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, ‘Do you want to go to heaven?’
The man said, ‘That I do Father.’
The priest said, ‘Go stand over there against the wall.’

Then the priest asked the second man, ‘Do you want to go to heaven?’
‘Certainly, Father,’ was the man’s reply.
Go stand over there against the wall,” said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O’Toole and said, ‘Do you want to go to heaven?’
O’Toole said, ‘No, I don’t Father.’
The priest said, ‘I don’t believe this’
‘You mean to tell me that when you die you don’t want to go to heaven?’

O’Toole said, Oh, when I die, yes.
I thought you were getting a group together to go on a trip right now.’

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You know what they say about laughter being infectious.

I read somewhere that the sound of laughter is far more contagious than any cough, sniffle or sneeze.
Well what we need a good old fashion epidemic 🙂